| November 4th, 2008 |
[05 Nov 2008|04:46pm] |
As I was working as an election judge, there were 2 very distinct things that happened that summed up this whole experience for me.
My father became a US Citizen many years ago. My mother, however, celebrated naturalization 6 months ago. My sister voted for her first presidential election. I walked in my polling place at Piper Middle School in Berwyn, and god I can't tell you how proud I felt. Some people are apathetic and don't care, some people die for this kind of chance. But being able to vote with my parents and my younger sister was one of the proudest moments of my life.
When I returned back to my polling place, there was an hour left to go and a woman was sitting waiting for her turn to use the touch-screen machine. The wait is long so we offered seats for people. Her daughter was standing, leaning on her mother's leg. Her uniform, clean and sharp, and her eyes completely contrasting her tired mother's eyes. The mother obviously came right after work. Another election judge asked the little girl what grade she was in. A first grader, the little girl's mother started telling us about how her school teaches on curriculum, including Spanish. I asked the little girl, "Do you know any Spanish songs?"
Proudly, she starts singing the colors in Spanish to the tune of Frère Jacques. "Rojo, red, rojo, red, azul, blue, azul, blue..." I could not help it and I started tearing up. No one noticed until the mother realized I wasn't saying anything and looked at me a little surprised. It was an awkward silence, but the good kind. I was speechless. "That's wonderful."
That little girl summed up the day for me. She was a black girl, with the opportunity of a good education, learning a language that many citizens today would be angered about. But there she was, in all her innocence, the embodiment of a different future. A much better one we live in now, and a true success from where this country was 50 years ago.
Later I went home, tired but very awake. I sat in front of my tv and, no shame in saying, I cried. It didn't hit me when they said who won, but it did when I saw people in Grant Park cheering and hugging, people in NY dancing and throwing their hands up, people all over our country (and all over the world) rejoicing. It was the absolute most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I don't think something like that will ever happen and come close to that perfect moment of happiness we all shared.
In my opinion, this wasn't that Obama won. But all of us who had hope, who supported someone who's platform was so different from what we've heard before. Someone who truly had the "audacity" to inspire people and run on hope. It was all of us who won, not one man. But beside that, he represents the defeat of the mentality that a minority cannot beat the white man. There no longer is that excuse. It can happen. As a minority, I strongly feel that sense of triumph. No I'm not black, but I can tell you, minorities, whether they say it or not, have this sense in the back of their mind that not only do you have to prove to your people that you belong to them, you have to prove yourself to white people too. And to see a black family make their way to the White House feels likes minorities finally will be included in the American picture.
We have a president who is intelligent, level-headed, understanding AND black. I hope you all feel as proud as I do. There will be many things he'll have to tackle and be burdened with. I don't expect him to do all he promised, but if he gets to even 2 of his promises, we'll be so much better off than where we are now.
Even though Jesse Jackson can be a prick sometimes, he said the most appropriate thing the other day. It reflects how I feel.
"It is a good day to be alive today."
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| Highly Amused |
[22 Aug 2008|05:33pm] |
This Tuesday was this girl that I work with's last day. Before she left she sent me a snarky IM and signed off. Today she emailed me ( THIS )
hahahhaahah
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| Polaroid Show |
[14 Aug 2008|11:08am] |
Come check out some of polaroids, including mine!
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[09 Jul 2008|05:34pm] |
Do you remember when you were young? And when you knew that grown ups had their own talk, their own actions, and you weren't allowed to know? That you were treated like a kid because there were adult things going on? Do you remember knowing you were a kid?
And now? Do you realize that you are now a grown up? That now you have things you hide from kids? Secrets you must keep and truths that force you to be an adult? Do you catch yourself being serious and overwhelmed then walking into a room and having to pretend like nothing is going on? Do you realize now that you have your own talk? Your own secrets?
Do you know now that you are a grown up? Do you hate it like I do? Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember your innocence? And do you remember the exact moment you lost it?
I remember. And yes, I do.
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| Cool! |
[30 Jun 2008|03:24pm] |
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| Heaven is a place I find in your arms |
[11 Jun 2008|03:46pm] |
Turns out that we got rained on at the book fair. I had lunch with the girls, and it was so nice to catch up with them. Luckily, Dan found books he liked. I found a sweet book about the history of prostitution that was way too much for my budget. Still, it looked interesting. I found my Everleigh book at Myopic and had a sweet ice cream get together at Caitlin's. She's very lovely. I like her.
I found a band I really am into and I'm super pumped I found them on my own. My piano is being good to me. Tim likes it when I play whatever and not try to learn other people's songs. I guess that's a good way to look at it.
One of my favorite photographers just published a book. Gotta get my hands on that.
Recently, I found out that the only bra I buy was discontinuted from GapBody and let's just say I'm pissed. Everywhere I go, bras are padded or itchy or hard or gross. Jebus christ, lord'snameinvain, what the eff. So now I'm on a quest to find a bra that won't make me itchy or look like my boobs are 3 times the size they really are. They're small and I'm ok!
My next goal is to buy a disposable underwater camera. Not to unsuspectingly take pictures of people underwear but to...take pictures underwater. Duh.
My cat headbutted me this morning.
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| Ramblin' woman |
[05 Jun 2008|04:10pm] |
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I finally bought a keyboard. Casio cdp100 88, weighted keys. Now to teach myself piano all over again. Does anybody play piano? I've been trying to figure out this one song and I've only been able to figure out half of it. It is delightfully frustrating.
Julie is finally back from France. I'm get so bummed out thinking about her moving to New York but at the same time, I am so proud of her and know she is destined for amazing things.
Man, reality tv has been a let down this year. I used to never watch tv, but I've been watching Bravo and a ton of History channel. But ANTM with Whitney? She obviously wasn't the strongest girl, she was just another pawn for Tyra. If she really wanted a "full-figured" model, they should've picked Tocarra seasons ago. And last night's Top Chef was bullshit. I gotta go back to just watching SVU.
At least the History channel rules. I mean, when you watch anything on tv, read anything in the newspaper, hear anything from someone, you have to be aware that the information given to you is almost always biased, even if just a little. As long as you know that, and make sure that you truly research a topic or theme, you won't just accept what one source tells you. But yeah, I like laying in bed watching shows about the psychology of Nazism, Mayan underground ruins, WWII "dog fights", Knights Templar etc.
I bought a book yesterday about the history of archeology. That should be awesome to read. There is a solid article in the Reader about James Cuno and his controversial book about antiquities. Coincidently, an article about Rick Kogan is a page or two prior to Cuno and I shuddered at memories of John saying "blahblahblah Rick is a Chicago institution!" He loves calling people Chicago institutions...
Which reminds me, I'm going to the Printers Row book fair this weekend. I'll probably run into John and that'll be more awkward for him than me. I really wanted to see a presentation about the Everleigh sisters but it doesn't look like I'll have time for it.
Yesterday was a good day. Met Tim for lunch, played some songs/talked on air with my friends at UICradio, went to a foggy beach and a quiet bookstore.
Bria cut my hair on Monday. She gave me bangs. I was scared at first but I like them now. Bria fucking rules and I'm very proud of the fact that she has a career now. She pointed out how anyone who has known her for awhile knows what a big deal this is. I do for sure.
I'm going to a seminar in Pilsen about Lupus and Latinos with my mom. I almost forgot but it should be good and important to catch up since the last time I did any research on Lupus was way back in high school. I wonder what's new.
Wow, time is crawling today.
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[05 May 2008|05:17pm] |
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blah blah blahblahblah
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| Top Expert |
[18 Mar 2008|05:18pm] |
I admitted to myself today that I can't drink Arizon Green Tea anymore.
It makes me pee too much.
Anyway, tomorrow is Wednesday and yours truly will be sitting in studio with my friends' radio show on UIC Radio. They just started a little over a month ago and I'm really proud of them. They play an awesome variety of music and I get to play a couple of songs tomorrow.
So please, if you're by a computer on Wednesday (tomorrow) from 1pm-3pm, tune in!
Go to UICRADIO.ORG and click "listen"
Check out their Myspace at www.myspace.com/voidingthefill
Thank youuu
All my loving,
Isa
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| A day in the life... |
[18 Feb 2008|07:41pm] |
My passport arrived yesterday. If only I had somewhere to go.
Today at work, I called someone with a voicemail message that went something like this:
"Hi thanks for calling! Sorry we're not here to take your call. If you speak English clearly, please leave a message. If you don't, don't call us back. Bye!" The. Fuck?
Polaroids are either going to be extinct or super expensive. Either way, I'm freaking out about it. :(
The shooting stuff with NIU makes me so uneasy and worried and upset. Makes me think if my sister is safe in school. Makes me wonder who is capable of doing such a selfish act. Basically, we're fucked. There is no control.
A Noodles n Company just opened on Michigan Ave by work. Who wants to go?
Dan and Drew are in NY then Canada. Work feels a lot shittier without their company. I'd like to be anywhere but here.
I've been taking pictures like these lately.
I've been feeling really unattractive lately. Being a girl sucks for stuff like that.
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| Lose |
[03 Jan 2008|04:49pm] |
It doesn't matter what I say. Doesn't matter what I think anymore. Doesn't matter what someone else has to say or what they think they could have done. It doesn't matter because the truth remains.
Dave is dead.
I tried so fucking hard to keep myself together all day yesterday and all day today. But almost at the exact 2:28am when Eric called me and told me, I couldn't help but fucking sob. Sob like it happened again. And the way I feel is the same. I'm not going to tell anyone to be strong, that we'll be ok. Fuck you if you say that to people. Because it's ok to NOT be ok. It means you fucking care and although Dave wouldn't have liked me crying and hurting again, I think he would understand. Because I don't think about him when I have bad days or when I feel bummed. I think of him when I'm happy, when I wonder what he would think about the things in my life, what he would cal me out on. I think of him every mother fucking day. Every day. He's in me every day. His last words are on my skin and my philosophy for the rest of my life.
Even when I go to shows now, it's not the same. All the times we sat in the car just talking about how life sucks or how people were so fucking insincere. I miss that the most. Not even the wild and crazy antics. I miss his sincerity. Because 90% of the people I know are fake, selfish, dishonest, full of shit. He was quite possibly the most honest and sincere, genuine person I have ever met. He told you how it was and he was loyal to his friends. I got along with him in a way I have never been able with anyone else. We talked about being depressed. And being let down.
My only comfort, only, is the fact that he knew I cared. And that he let me know that he cared for me too. I miss him so much. Everyday. I miss hugging him. I miss him picking me up and putting me on his shoulders. I miss him making jokes and being crazy Dave. I miss him being angry and blunt. I miss him calling people out. I miss him slapping people with his bear paw. I miss seeing him plow through people at shows. I miss stories. I miss jokes. I miss hugs. I miss his face.
I write about him all the time. I wrote pieces for him in my class. He comes up in my blog almost everytime I update it. I put my hand over my ribs and put warmth to his last words to me everyday. He's part of me now because I was so fucking lucky to have known him.
It doesn't matter what I say. What we think now. What matters is what we do. And I'm going to say it's fucking good to cry. Good to remember. Because you know what? He fucking thought that we could forget him. And if it doesn't hurt you today, if it doesn't hurt in 5 years, when you're old, or when you're dying, then it means that you forgot. Remember what a fucking amazing person he was. Because there sure is hell no one like him. Nobody real like him. Nobody sincere like him. Nobody as crazy as he.
I love you Dave. I think you knew. I care about you, I care about you.
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| New Years Day |
[01 Jan 2008|03:20pm] |
Last night, I spent my New Years like I usually do. At my parents. Tim and my sister's boyfriend were with us and it was nice to have a small get together. Afterwards, I watched two House episodes. It was emotionally intense. What a show.
Then I laid, trying to sleep and thinking to myself too much. I cried myself to sleep and wished he'd visit me in my dreams. If I could only see him one more time. The day is coming where we will say it's been a year. It still fucking hurts. If not more now than ever. Time doesn't heal a fucking thing. You just get used to the sting. Jay is right. It changes you forever as a person. Chris, I haven't taken his number out of my phone either. I still have the last text I sent him that night.
I have to make an official list of New Years Resolutions. I want to be more in 2008. I want a better year. This year, I want to feel like there is hope for once. And I want to feel like people care about me like I care about them.
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| What is the best AN song? |
[22 Dec 2007|09:58pm] |
I am broke this year.
Tim bought me a typewriter.
He is officially the best present giver.
Ever.
Jay made me a song.
The word "chichis" is in it.
It's brilliant.
Company party on Thursday.
It's cool to say I have friends that aren't just from work.
My dog is a fucking maniac that will kill anything in its way.
My kitties are patient and cuddly and amazing and my loves.
I miss my dad and my sister.
I wish I was in Guanajuato.
I saw Hoffa today.
I took photobooth pictures today.
My hand hurts.
Hearts.
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| Nobody does better |
[19 Dec 2007|07:18pm] |
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music |
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Cat Power - Good Clean Fun |
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The show Saturday was better than I thought it would be. It's amazing to see shows like that and be able to say, yea I was there. I'm easy to make happy I think.
Daddy and Luisa left for Mexico today. I'm bummed. I'm going to miss them, especially on Christmas, but I'm also really jealous. Blah
I'm going to get tattoos and I have too many ideas in my head but I have to organize them.
I miss my cats all the time. They are my precious babies.
Monica is super amazing and I'm so excited how professional she is.
Found a way to listen to music while I work and it makes work a little less mind-numbing.
I'm going to take a photography class with Dan. Oh yea I "graduated" UIC so now I'm starting to panic about "real life" and having to start acting like an "adult". Everyday is a day closer to my realization that I'm so horribly awkward, lazy, and reluctant to be just like everyone else with a job and blah blah blah. My head hurts.
What do I have to give?
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| Mood dictates perception... |
[04 Dec 2007|12:43pm] |
I'm a fucking idiot and turned in a rough draft as a final for my Gender class. Of course, I got a terrible grade. Of course, I can't find the final draft so I must've written it all and forgot to save it. Seriously, I'm fucking stupid. In my own defense, I was rushing out the door to hop a train to go to Philly so my head wasn't focused...whatever. I'm done.
Yesterday, I went to H&M and tried on stuff and bras. I realized again that I fucking hate padded bras. They are so uncomfortable. Seriously. Yay for you but I'm a-ok with my baby chichis!
Ran for gym today. This is my last week of school. Ever? Hopefully not. I need to figure out my fucking life soon. God fucking damnit. I hate "growing up" or being another day closer to being an "adult". I'm not suited for that but I feel like I have no choice. Buuggha;sldfja
My dad and sister are going to be in the motherland during Christmas. I'm sorta jealous but I'll be ok as long as they bring me back a painting of Guanajuato.
God I'm in a bad mood.
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[03 Dec 2007|10:30am] |
The other day, as I was watching my good friend give a eulogy for her father, I was once again reminded what a terrible year this has been.
I'm hoping for something better. Please, something better.
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xisabellax's journal
